This Wildflower Life

When I read blogs I'm always curious why the blogger named their blog what they did. This is my post explaining my name and also introducing myself! This is long, but hopefully you can be touched by my story.

I'm Sarah, a mother of two, married to my puzzle piece, living a couple blocks from the beach in San Diego, California.
My story doesn't begin here though.
My story begins in the year 2000.
In the year 2000 I made the biggest mistake of my life. I married the wrong person.
(I think it's important to note that I am a born-again Christian, albeit one that desperately needs God's grace!)
So, here I am, the day of my wedding, realizing that I made a really bad decision.
It only got worse. He was a yeller and a fight-starter. He would damage our house from violence. He was scary.
A year and zillions of screaming matches later, I find myself having my first miscarriage. The baby that was my bright spot on an otherwise bleak horizon. I named her Chloe. It was extremely traumatic. My husband didn't want a baby so he was pretty relieved. Something in me snapped.
That was the beginning of the end for us.
Instead of allowing myself to be verbally abused anymore, I started fighting back. He didn't like it. I didn't like it. I was turning into someone who was SO ugly inside. I sobbed over journals and wrote out prayers to God pleading for change.
In 2002, a couple days before my birthday, this little muffin ran into my house and I like to call her my birthday present from God. 

I had another dog, my angel-dream-dog, and between the two of them I felt so much love. Don't worry, I also had lots of human love from my parents, my best friend and my brother!

One day during a break between church services, I went to my parents' house with my mom. We started talking about my life and I cried and she said, "Maybe you need a separation [from husband]." The words scarcely left her mouth before I exclaimed, "YES." 

Up until that point I had been terrified of even seriously considering divorce. I told hardly anyone of our crazy troubles. 

I am a pastor's kid and a pastor's grandkid, and I thought my family would hate me if I got divorced. Little did I know, they cared only about me and my situation, not some stigma my divorced state would cause.

Although it was just a trial separation, we ended up getting divorced. I was SO happy. I felt SO free. I felt like I was finally winning at life!

I dated a guy who pursued me and I was REALLY into. 

He treated me poorly and I took it because I was so raw from the divorce and just being married in general. I drank a lot, I starved myself. I taught myself how to be okay alone. I taught myself how art can save a life.

We eventually broke up which was sad. 

Then my grandpa died. My grandpa whom I loved above most people. He was so important to me. He still is.

At that point, I felt I had nothing to live for (so dramatic, but true).

My best friend told me I was moving into her house. My lease was up and to her house I went!

She was and is such a deep unfathomable gift from God.

A couple months after that, I had the amazing experience of dating my childhood crush and the guy everyone (EVERYONE) thought I would marry.

Fast forward, we are basically the same people, different gender, and so perfect for each other.

We got married and started living life happily!

Then I had miscarriage number 2.

I was again devastated. I named him August. (Note: I didn't actually know the sex of my babies, I just had strong feelings)

After what seemed like a long time of trying, we had our first miracle-rainbow baby, Neely. 

We lived life happily as a family of 3 (plus two dogs) and eventually wanted to expand our family.

Then I had miscarriage number 3.

It was, obviously, disheartening and sad.

After a long time (to me) of trying, we were blessed with a second miracle-rainbow baby, Mabel.

A year or two ago, God gave me a verse that I called my "LIFE VERSE". This is the verse that perfectly sums up my life. 

You did it: 

you changed wild lament

into whirling dance;

You ripped off my black mourning band

    and decked me with wildflowers.

I’m about to burst with song;

    I can’t keep quiet about you.

God, my God,

    I can’t thank you enough.

Psalm 30:11-12

So there it is! My blog is named This Wildflower Life because God TRULY changed wild lament into whirling dance, and ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers.

These are our two dogs. Little miss Kiki Bjork went to heaven in August of 2016.

Sinatra the chihuahua (he was Kiki's best friend/brother) is 11 and Louis Prima the terrier is 1.

I am so grateful for the grace and mercy that the Lord has shown me. I do not deserve any of it, but He is such a loving Father. 

AMEN!